The Wieners Circle

Ah, the famed and fabled Weiners Circle: you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. If you haven't been to this place before and haven't heard of the very unique goings-on of the Weiners Circle, then you are in for a treat (?). The food is pretty standard, with char-broiled hot dogs and french fries; your typical drunk food. What you really go to The Weiners Circle is to get accosted by food service people like you have never been before. If you're not confident and determined with your order (or if they just want to mess with you) the staff will throw an imaginative array of curse words at you that will make your head spin. Contrary to what you may have heard, the Weiners Circle does not sell milkshakes. If you do in fact order a milkshake, you will get an over-sized strip tease (with a tip, of course.) It is an unusual and somewhat unsettling venue, but is worth a one-time visit at the least

Being a New York native, I was persuaded to go to the Wieners Circle after a night out in Chicago. After enjoying my Chicago style hot dog, my friend convinced me to wash it down with a chocolate milkshake. After complaining about the absurd price of 20$, the cashier began to curse me out and then shake her boobs in my face as the other customers laughed and I was horrified. Get a hot dog, not a milkshake.

If you're one to wake up on a Saturday afternoon and mutter, "Man, I wish I felt slightly more brutalized by alcohol this morning," then you should end your next Chicago sauce-fest at the Midwest's finest sausage fest: The Wieners Circle. This otherwise unassuming hole-in-the-wall on North Clark is a famous way to enhance (read: worsen) a hangover, even one well poised to be more heinous than your 21st birthday's. With nightfall, a retro sign will innocently twinkle above the Circle, illuminating its patrons' intoxication. This crowd's collective BAC is maybe a digit shy of Bill Gates' net worth. Even in Winter, the men are profusely sweaty, and the female set's mascara is more crumbly than the Parthenon. Once inside, political correctness dies in a scene that straddles the elusive line between entertaining and uncivilized. Simply ordering a cheeseburger is an ordeal full of some very creative profanity. Customers and cashiers alike will use curse words in previously unimaginable combinations. As mentioned, those red picnic tables are real dietary cemeteries. Folks who are health-conscious by day will bury their best nutritional intentions beneath a gravestone of french fries, which are glazed with a "cheddar" sauce that won't expire for at least another decade. It's a binge only a binge-drinker could love. In short, if you want to push your liver to the next level, hustle/stumble to The Wieners Circle. Bring your sense of humor and a bunch of friends who share it. When the experience ends, go to the 7-Eleven across the street, and buy a liter of water for the ride home. You'll need it.

I know that a lot of people love the belligerence and antics of late-night Wiener's Circle, but it kind of makes me uncomfortable. There’s a fine line between good-natured insult-slinging and some cringey slurs. Also, the food is fine, but nothing special. But, hey, if you’re here late, you’re probably drunk, and those hot dogs and fries are going to be delicious. Because of its location, it’s an easy stop during a night out, and it is fun to sit outside. If you don’t mind dishing it out and taking it from the servers, it can be a funny experience. I feel like there are so many other greasy late-night spots in the area where the food is better and the company less hostile.

Some people will love the Weiners Circle - these people are those who are not shy, do not mind confrontation, like your average American bar food, are drunk, like novelty-type places, saw the Conan show about the Weiner's Circle or like fast service. A combination of at least some of these qualities will generally mean you'll enjoy your time at here. When you walk in, make sure you know what you are ordering. You'll be asked what you want pretty quickly and if you do not know exactly what you want, right away, you will most likely get yelled at. While you could always yell back, that could be biting off more than you can chew. Don't ask for a Chocolate Shake unless you are willing to pay $20 and are ready to see something you most likely do not want to.